I hope you'll try this at home...

Or wherever. Have you ever looked at someone of the opposite sex and concentrated on their facial structure enough to where you were able to imagine what they would look like as the opposite sex (of what they actually are)? I once did that to a woman that I found attractive and, to my embarrassment and frustration, I immediately made her permanently unattractive. So, as a rule, I don't do that to women I initially find attractive. However, I do find myself doing this to women I don't find attractive quite often... weird, huh? I hope someone will tell me that they do that too. I guess it just fascinates and humors me to see how some people are very close to looking like the opposite sex if you were to just change the clothes they wear, change the hair-do and add/take away makeup.
Please, whatever you do, don't sit in front of the mirror and try this experiment on yourself. You might blow up the world... Or worse.*

*This project is strickly intended for secure, straight men and women.

Crash'N Crunch

So, I saw something equal parts Grotesque and Amazing today. I was on my way home from the gym (yes, ladies, I work out...) and I'm headed west bound and... Before I go on... Have you ever thought back on a moment in time and realized you were able to recollect a lot of info from that situation that you may not have ever given any thought to had that situation not been substantial enough to ever necessitate recollection? If you don't know what I'm talking about maybe you'll understand when I explain what happened next...
So, I'm driving home from the gym (yes, ladi... sorry, looks like I already wrote this part.) and a guy on a Harley (motorcycle) drives past me going the opposite direction. For the purpose of heightened drama, we'll call this dude, Bad Dude. I would have never even given a thought to the fact that I saw Bad Dude drive by if this next part of my story didn't happen...
As soon as this guy leaves my peripheral view (to my left) I hear a horrifying CRASSSHHHH!!! Immediately I turn my head left and see the once tough looking Harley Davidson Bad Dude all crumpled up in a cloud of dust, smoke, and motorcycle parts sliding/tumbling down the street! He slid for like 100 feet, body contorting in ways that it was never meant to (unless you believe in predestination)! His bike went right with him, disentegrating into little pieces as it went.
At this point let me tell you that I realize that I'm lucky I didn't wreck because my eyes were glued to Dude's misfortune. I remember thinking, "Oh my goodness, Dude's dead."
Still there? Here's the crazy, hardcore, Harley riding, Hell's Angels part of the story.
Bad Dude eventually slides onto his side, scoops himself up and runs after his bike, which eventually finds its way under a car that was stopped at a light!
Let me recap... This guy eats it - HARD - slides down the asphalt at about 50 mph, GETS HIMSELF UP, and RUNS after his perm-i-lame chopper!
At this point my story concludes because I drove out of view. But, I'd love for each of you to go about your day and create your own extension of this truly amazing chapter in the ongoing saga I've grown to love... "BAD DUDES!"

So I gotta tell ya...

I'm a bartender. And that means I get to put up with some crap. So right now I just need to vent. If you come to the bar and everything seems to be very clean and the bartender is wiping everything down... DON'T SIT DOWN AND ORDER A MILLION THINGS AND THEN TAKE YOUR SWEET TIME TO FINISH UP!!! If it looks like the bar is being shut down simply ask if the bar is closing. The bartender will tell you "yes" or "no" or "soon." When he sets your check in front of you it does NOT mean "here's your check. I'll just set it in front of you to stare at, but please, by no means, don't pay for it for another hour or two." It actually means "Here's your check, it's time to put your food down and get the H#!! out of here!" I'm sick of waiting around for people to eat their 5 lbs burgers at 12:30 in the morning! (deep breath) ok... thank you. Would you like another round?

PRESSURES of creativity

Well, I've opened a blogspot. My very own venue to express whatever I want. Unfortunately I feel really pressured to use this only when I have something creative to write. I feel like I'm much better at commenting on someone else's work... adding to it, fixing it, whatever, just as long as I don't have to initiate the creativity. I think so much. I'm mulling over something trivial all of the time, but right now I got nothin'. These will get better. I promise. (I'm not sure who I'm even talking to right now.) I'm just stuck in my head.

enter my blogspot

I think I'm going to try this out. We'll see how it goes.