2 Things I Hate About You

Man, I'm tired of that certain breed of women that laugh rather than apologize when they've really screwed something up. An extremely high concentration of them live in the greater Los Angeles area and, unfortunately for me, I seem to "magnetically" attract them.
For instance, I'm driving down the street and suddenly a car merges into my lane right next to me so that I have to slam on the brakes and lay on the horn. Pull up next to the car to see what condition the driver is in and (9 times out of 10) there sits a giggling woman (usually on the phone while sitting next to a giggling female passenger). She turns just briefly to look at me and (here's the part I HATE) giggles all the more while raising her one hand that's not holding the phone (and used to be controlling the steering wheel) up to her mouth in order to mimick the presumably universal "oops" sign. There's never an "I'm sorry" hand wave or even the silent screaming that tells you the poor girl is having a bad day, so you might as well leave her alone. No, there's only, "oops!" (giggle, giggle).
Then there's the moments like I had last night...

I was supposed to meet my date in Hollywood and go to a few parties that her and her girlfriend were invited to. The agreed upon plan was to meet up with them after dinner and she'd call me when she was arriving at the first party. I timed my evening to show up to this party about the same time that I figured it would take her to eat and arrive as well. Since I didn't presume to know anyone at this particular affair I didn't want to go in without her. So, I waited 30 minutes at our meeting place for her and then called to see where she was at.
No response.
I wait 45 minutes and send her a text: "Hey, I'm here. R U dun w/dinr?"
No response.
I wait a total of 1 hour and she calls.
Her: (giggle, giggle) Hi. We had a change of plans. (giggle, giggle) After dinner we stopped by a friend's party, but we're on our way to you now. I'll call you in a bit. Shouldn't take more than 15 to 20 minutes to get there (giggle, giggle).
I'M HER DATE! EXCUSE ME? YOU JUST WENT TO A PARTY WITHOUT YOUR DATE? I must not have received the updated Rules Of Dating book because that's cause for the death penalty in the last edition.
Alright, we're now at 1 hour 20 minutes of standing outside waiting to have a great time with my great date. I call to see if she's almost here.
No response.
I wait 15 minutes.
Call.
No response.
At the 1 hour and 45 minute mark I start to laugh at how much of an ass I look like for standing around on a busy Hollywood street corner, all dressed up, waiting for this woman. I call her one more time and tell her if she doesn't show up now or call me in the next couple of minutes I'm out.
(I'm realizing now that I should have set this blog up like a season of 24. With 1 hour blocks for each episode. That would have been cooler. But, then, I'm the guy who waits around for a girl for 2 hours, so I guess I'm not up on what's "cool".)
Anyway, I give her 15 more extremely generous minutes and then leave. I drive 20 minutes home and sit in my livingroom for about 10 minutes when... That's right, she calls. (Here's the part I HATE.)
Me: Hello?
Her: (giggle, giggle) Where are you?
Me: Home.
Her: No! (giggle, giggle) I'm headed to that party now!
Me: Where the hell were you?
Her: (giggle, giggle) We were walking to the car (giggle, giggle) to go see you when we heard about another party just up the street, so we (giggle, giggle) stopped by.
Me: You went to another party without me, your date, and left me waiting for you in Hollywood for 2 hours?
Her: (giggle, giggle, giggggggggllllllllllllllllleeeeeeee, giggle) Yes. I'm SO sorry. I'm sorry. (giggle, giggle)
Me: Why would you do that? Why didn't you at least call me?
Her: I don't know? (giggle) I have no excuse (giggle). Just come back over.
Me: No, I'm done partying with you for one night.
Her: Ohhhh, come onnnnn... Are you mad at me?
Me: 2 HOURS you let me wait for you while you went and partied!
Her: (giggle..?)


I don't know, God. It's sounding more and more like it is good for Man to be alone.
(Oh, is that wrong to say?)
Giggle, giggle... Oops.

Up, Up, Down, Down, Left, Right, Left, Right, B, A

In honor of ESPN's new groundbreaking series Codebreakers, here's the codes and pins to all of my email accounts, bank accounts, ATM, and voice messages:

Email - ***********

Email - *******

Blogspot - ********

ATM - ****

Online Banking - twoscoops12

Voice Messages - *********

Locker - *****

Saw NARNIA Tonight

I didn't intend on seeing it until Sunday, but my friend and I started to sit down to watch a screening of Syriana and decided we might as well wait another hour and see Narnia at the first screening. I won't say anything about the story here so as not to upset any fans that are yet to see the film. I would say I enjoyed it though, although it turned out to truly feel like a children's story... I suppose it felt a bit like seeing Benji for the first time (only, at the ripe age of 24) and being excited about it.

Narnia: The Lion, The Car, and The Turkey

Well, I'm going to finish the fourth book in the The Chronicles of Narnia series tonight. That lion is a pretty cool kat. I keep waiting for him to eat the kids, but he hasn't yet.

Today, during a conversation concerning the upcoming Narnia film (Dec. 9th), a very pretty woman asked me equally very nonchalantly what "old C.S. Lewis was doing these days?" ...I'm pretty sure I'll keep my relationship with her strictly somatic.

Another person that I conversed with this evening wanted nothing more in the world than to tell me all about muscle cars. The following is a section taken directly from the transcribed repartee:

Asian Car Guy: ...And the 05's were already extremely heavy at 3,400 lbs!

Me: That's crazy, man.

Asian Car Guy: But, come on! 3,800 lbs?! I mean, yeah, it has over 500 horsepower, but...

Me: Yeah, I know.

(Later)

A.C.G: ...I mean I'd put a fat block on there with a few bolt down mods...

Me: -That's crazy, man.

A.C.G: ...I mean if we're talkin' "I have a million dollars" here, I'd put mods on the chasis of course, but that's way expensive.

Me: Yeah, I know... That's crazy, man.

(Later)

A.C.G: ...I mean the Subaru (indecipherable) is an amazing model. Do you like the (indecipherable) or the Subaru (indecipherable) better?

Me: Oh, I-I don't know. That's a tough one, man. I mean... ... .. .

A.C.G: -Yeah, I know what you're saying, but I think I'd definitely go for the (indecipherable).

(Later)

Me: Man, you should try going to a Jay Leno taping and meet Jay and talk to him about cars. He's a car guy too, you know?

A.C.G: Yeah, that would be cool. Man, you know quite a bit about cars too. That's cool. Hey, could I get another shot of Absolut?

Then I wrapped the night up with this one guy that ALWAYS comes in and orders two Calistoga mineral waters and a turkey entree. I'm mean we're talking two or three times a week for months - two mineral waters, one turkey entree.
But TONIGHT he ordered, "Two Calistogas and..."
"-The turkey entree?"
"No, how 'bout something different."
"Wow, okay. Here's the menu."
(moments later)
"How about the half oven roasted chicken entree."
"Sure."
I felt shocked, confused, happy and hurt.
I just considered this guy to be terminal; a textbook tryptophan addict. And here he was all at once cured... Cold turkey.

Talk to you kids soon. Night.